Good news: I got a reply about Level 4.

Bad news: It wasn’t anything Sari hadn’t already told me (thanks, Sari).

Good news: It included info about legs.

Bad news: It just said they go higher or I can make stuff up.

Good news: I can proceed with Level 4 without worrying that I’m missing something.

Bad news: It’s not that hard.

Good news: I think I’m ready for Level 5 now.

Bad news: I don’t have any info on that.

Good news: I can email Havi again.

Bad news: That involves guilt, but only if I’m in Havi’s stuff rather than my own.

Good news: If I stay in my stuff I can just ask and see what she says.

Bad news: Now I have to wait for an answer again.

Other news

In other news, we finally put the floor down in the front room (aka my room) so that I have a space for yoga/pilates/Shiva Nata where I won’t get splinters and can hide away when feeling bashful.  To celebrate, I inflated the fitball I’d bought recently (think big bouncy inflated rubber ball, like a space hopper but spherical) and bounced away without fearing I would burst it in minutes.

Having played with one at the pilates studio, I knew how to get up to kneeling on the ball so I did Level 1 arms whilst kneeling on a fitball!  Great fun and I was most pleased to make it all the way through whilst wobbling horribly (i.e. lots of challenge) but without falling off and hurting myself or the furniture (the piano’s in here too, so I need to be a little careful).

It wasn’t working.  I really needed an epiphany and I was getting nowhere fast.  So it was time to really up the ante.  This evening I did a monster practice as follows:

1. The entire series for Level 3, using 8 different words for the 4 horizontal and 4 vertical positions (H: Clarity, Awareness, Intuition, Heart; V: Blissful, Energised, Peaceful, Synchronised – these were targeted as I was after some answers around what made me happy).  With my eyes closed.  And my feet off the floor.  (Yep, I was falling about all over the place).
2. Followed immediately by a super quick run through of all of Level 2 with eyes open and feet off the floor.
3. Followed immediately by a super quick run through of Level 1, saying the positions at speed, with my eyes closed and feet off the floor.

I really wanted an answer, ok.

The result

I had originally just decided to do the first part, but even though I slowed right down at times and was constantly falling over, I still wasn’t getting that brain stuck moment.  [Ok, I finally caved.  I've emailed Havi (or rather marissa, I hope someone gets it anyway) and have asked for the info for the higher levels.]  So I decided to keep pushing and quickly made up parts 2 and then 3.

Same result.  The odd stumble.  The occasional realisation that the sequence was a little off and start that section again, but no complete brain-freeze stuckness.

[Disclaimer: I'm sorry if this seems like bragging, or rubbing it in to anyone reading who might be struggling with Level 1, but I'm trusting you to understand that my motivation here is simply to express where I'm at with the practice, and not to try and make me feel big with it, or you feel small.]

What next?

Well, I have a couple of ideas:

• Let it be known that I want to take it further and see what info comes my way – DONE
• Make up something completely freaking crazy, like a pattern that never comes back to where it starts, or does so only after 64 moves or something like that – TO DO

I figure I’ll give plan A bit of time to kick in before launching plan B.  Either way, could be interesting.

So I tried Level 3 normal with my eyes closed yesterday (or at least, it was recently, given my current sleeping patterns words like yesterday start to get a bit confusing).  It turns out that it was just enough to get me wobbling and having to work on my balance without actually knocking me over – it was quite a giggle until I smashed my hand into the lampshade (no damage to either, thankfully) but the resultant dust cloud was not much fun.  I still managed to get through Level 3 in total in less than 15 minutes though, and there were some chunks where I just whizzed through the moves without even knowing what my arms were doing, it just felt right and ended up in the right place.  So definitely just an arm workout there then (well, that and a way to get a few seconds of smug mode).

Today I did it with quarter turns.  Now I’m still doing the simple legs here (no room indoors to do the squares and hell no I am not going out in the current weather!) so it did give me pause for thought as I tried to work out what to do.  For starters I suddenly realised that I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to turn one way all the time, or swap, and if so when, but figuring that I could just make one up so long as I stuck with it and gave it a go, that’s what I did.

My quarter turn version involved me going towards my left shoulder on the left side and my right shoulder on the right.  It actually creates quite a nice little pattern when you add the legs as well, but after the first couple of rotations I had started to get it down, so that little stickler lasted about 5 minutes.

Now, I realise that the above could constitute bragging, and I will admit that a part of me is kind of impressed with itself that I can chuck these challenges at myself and still keep going through Level 3 without too much trouble, but the point here is to go horribly wrong.  So either I’m approaching it completely incorrectly (for the benefits that I want) or I need to up the level.  Me thinks we know the answer to this one, but I’m enjoying playing around with the different tricks for upping the challenge at the moment, so no need to panic.  My thinking is that this way I’ll have an idea of how they work when I really need them at later levels.

Next comes a side that I think may have more success at mucking me up: where I get my voice involved.  Most of the time my practice will be in silence, or me huffing and puffing, or my humming a little random ditty (a definite sign that it’s not doing it’s thing).  But if I try and say the patterns then I have to go a lot slower (it just takes more time to say 2:3 than it does to move my arms) – again, we’ll see.

The self doubt kicks in again

Ok, at this point I’m still feeling that little voice at the back of my head saying “Who do you think you are?  You think you’re soo good at this don’t you?  Well you’re not!  If Havi saw you she’d laugh and then never talk to you again for pretending to be doing it properly when you’re really just wasting your time.”  I don’t like this voice very much.

I mean, I don’t feel like I’ve completely conquered Level 3 like I have Level 2, but at the same time there’s no stuckness even when I try and up the ante.  For now I persevere.

So I tried the breathing technique with my two variations for Level 3 and actually managed to get completely stuck on the 2nd variation, but this I think had more to do with the fact that I was feeling very frazzled and off centre, so I was struggling to get my thoughts together.  Still, that might not be a bad time to get some Shiva Nata help, so hopefully it’s doing it’s thing in the background.

Certainly over the course of Friday evening and today I managed to notice when I was having a freak out moment, see where I was getting my buttons pushed and stop myself from spiralling off, so I’m feeling good about myself (even though I did still have a freak out moment and get my buttons pushed!)

After the Shiva Nata for 10 minutes on Friday my brain was still a bit of a mess, but taking a full 20 minutes to relax, calm down and focus on just my breathing (I use one of Havi’s suggestions from the Starter Kit) I actually managed to turn it around, which was such a freaking awesome feeling!  Oh yes, I am in charge of my mental space!  Booya!  hehehe

Well, ok, control isn’t maybe the right word, but being able to find that calm space inside me to then be able to go and write out a load of pages and get the mess out of my head and onto paper certainly beats getting dizzy with all the thoughts running through my head, which is what was happening beforehand.

Still think that Level 3 has been beat, but since I can use it to trip me up when I’m in a mess it acts as a good barometer for the moment, until I get better at noticing where I am at from day to day (and moment to moment).  When Havi has rested from her little yoga retreat and I’ve got further in this trial I may try picking her brains for more info however.

Level 3 actually seemed easier today with the breathing.  That’s kind of crazy, but it certainly felt like I wasn’t really having to think about where to move to next and could just concentrate on my breathing practice.  I totally ‘zenned’ out, letting the different patterns run around, and again no total stuckness here, though there were a couple of mistaken end positions.

Given how easy I found the arms today, I am thinking that Level 3 has been well and truly conquered, but until I get more info on the other levels I might as well keep going with this trial and see what comes up.  If nothing else, I’ll find some good ways to mix up other levels too and have some fun with the practice.

The intention was around asking my unconscious to give me a sign as to whether I really have ‘mastered’ Level 3, or if I’m kidding myself.  And ok, it’s come up in my head a couple of times, but so far I’ve not had anything revelatory – but that’s ok, I’m patient (well, no, I’m not, but I’m trying to be here, ok).

Today’s Shiva Nata was my second variation of Level 3 starting from the right.  I got further than yesterday, but I did actually end up in the wrong place a couple of times.  Still didn’t completely halt and give in, like I was doing when I first tried Level 3, but also I’ve been limiting myself to 10 minutes, because I’ve found previously that if I do much more I end up getting completely exhausted, and as it is I’m already spending more time in bed again just after yesterday (plus I did like 45 minutes of improvised dance and another 5 mins of Level 2 to warm up before that in the evening, so yeah, it’s not exactly a surprise).

Well, there you are, just keeping you all up to date, and thanks again to Duff for his cool suggestion.  Tomorrow we start trying funny breathing – here’s hoping I don’t pass out!

On 11 January I started a 27 day trial at mixing up Level 3 to see if I really had ‘mastered’ it or whether I was conning myself into thinking that so I could have a pity party and generally feel superior and sorry for myself all at once (oh yes, that’s an achievement in itself, right?!)

Well, 12 January I stopped.  It turns out what I needed was some time off from all that, after my last trial which I did on my other blog.  The holiday is over now (in a looking-forward-to-what-comes-next way, since I get to decide it’s over, rather than in a oh-my-god-now-I-have-to-return-to-work way) and after a forum discussion around Shiva Nata and thanks to my tendency to want to finish something that I’ve started (not always a bonus, but if I approach it consciously it can be a good way to self-motivate) I’ve decided to get it going again today.

So, without further ado, here is Day 2 of my 27 day trial (with no promise that the other 25 days will continue consecutively from this one, but that’s the intention).

Today’s session was 10 minutes of my first alternate to Level 3 starting with the right side first.

Did I get stuck?

Nope, not really.  I started off a lot slower than I finished, but I didn’t really have any complete blank moments where I just couldn’t work out where I was or where I was going.  I did end up in the wrong position after one set of 4 repetitions, but a second attempt corrected that, and I did have one point where I wasn’t completely sure of where I was in the routine, but letting my body go with what felt right sorted that out for me (a dancer’s trick when you realise half-way through a routine that you haven’t a clue what you’re doing, but your body seems to be getting on with it anyway – just don’t panic and you’re fine!)

Intention

As usual, I didn’t have one, I just go through the practice with the mild intention that the patterns do their thing and that I start to notice more of what’s going on in my head.  During the relaxation afterwards (a full 20 mintues, no skimping here) I did give myself the intention of trying to figure out where some anger I’d had recently was coming from, and my mind wandered through a few different scenarios in my head (some completely unrelated to this) whilst I was lying there (the best bit of the whole process, IMHO).  I didn’t reprimand myself for that, I just brought my awareness to what was happening rather than letting myself mindlessly daydream.  I’ve decided that seeing what comes up in these wanderings is useful, so it’s not about stopping them but rather paying attention to them.  That way if something presents which is turning into a downward, negative spiral, I can step in and stop that, but if it’s telling me something useful I can see what comes up.  If it’s just silly or distracting I can bring my awareness back to my body, breathing and feelings and restart the process.

Thoughts on the whole thing so far

Well, I don’t suppose tomorrow’s (variation 2 starting on the right) is going to be particularly stickyfying either, but then I’ve spent 20+ years practicing being able to take any movement and repeat it mirror-reflection style in dance classes, so that practice is pretty much embedded in my head already.  Does this mean that Shiva Nata won’t hold as much possibility for growth for me as someone else (as Duff alluded to in a comment on a previous post)?  I don’t know, but given that this is a practice, rather than an achievement, that I actually find accessible, at this point it doesn’t matter.  It may prove to be my perfect thing, it may prove to just be a doorway to another, more challenging, practice that takes me deeper, but the only place I can act is in the here and now, and right now there’s no difference between either of these scenarios, so I might as well just let whatever is going to happen happen, and keep practicing so as I can see how it will all turn out!

I’ve been doing level 1, 2, 3 & 4 (ish-maybe) with legs raised but not really getting that <erk> moment that is the so-called Epiphany Generator!

So what am I doing wrong?

I’m not sure at the moment.  I’ve a couple of inklings, around focus/intention, or about trying other ideas to make things harder (I’ve tried Level 1 with colours, but not the higher ones) so I’m going to look through the notes I got from Havi’s Starter Kit again and see if anything there sparks up some ideas.

I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken the intention to ‘learn’ Shiva Nata, which is the nice way of saying ‘master’ it.  Which since it makes Havi laugh so hard she starts coughing, I know isn’t going to work.

Still, I can do the moves, but it’s feeling a bit hollow – not got the substance in there (plus, yuck, I don’t want to suddenly find myself going back to Level 1 because I did it all wrong!)

Well, whatever happens, I’ll try and write about it a bit more – if nothing else it will help me to remain a bit more mindful with my practice.

Hugs to all my fellow Shivanauts,

James

Whilst Level 3 is where I’m pushing myself at the moment, I like to mix in a little Level 1 and 2 at top speed to see how I do.  Since I realised recently that Level 3 was not causing me complete havoc any more I thought I would have a go at doing it at speed.

Gah!

This was tricky.  The difficulty however was less to do with the movement itself (though at speed I did get lost many, many times) but in keeping up the speed.  Whenever I wasn’t sure what was next I found it nearly impossible to make a move that I wasn’t confident in.  Rather than keep going, even if I knew I’d mucked it up, I would freeze until I had worked out what the next move was.

What can I do when things go wrong?

Part of me thinks that this isn’t really a problem.  I can go as fast as possible and get frozen every so often and it will still be more taxing that going through it slowly.  I do get some moments where I’m able to flow through a tricky situation and others where repeating it on the same side and/or then repeating on the opposite side makes the pattern clearer and I can see it in my mind more clearly.

However, I had originally been aiming to keep up the pace and just go wrong if I went wrong, and that didn’t work.  Rather than just move my arms and keep going, even though I was very confident that I had gone wrong and would therefore need to repeat this section, my arms would just freeze, if only for a second, until I worked out the next move.  I’m wondering if this is where using the DVD would be useful – since I can jump back in by following the DVD when I freeze and just skip where I get stuck for now, repeating this over and over until I get stuck less often.

On my own though, I know that I’m able to go back and repeat and repeat as much as I like an area that catches me up until I feel like I’ve at least got a better grasp of it and then move on (I don’t want to spend hours waving my arms around – they start to ache after a while).

Anything over Level 3 and the DVD won’t be available anyway.  But presumably the keep-pushing method is what happens in a class environment.  So what do you reckon – is it better to immediately stop and work it out or try and keep pushing through?

Right, now that’s got that nonsense out of the way, I come fresh from my kitchen to tell you that today I managed to get all the way through Level 3 arms with simple legs!  Woohoo!  I realise that this is going to mean that I have to shake things up again in the future for it to keep working, but there’s the more complex legs to add (including “rotations in three-dimensional space” or turning as it’s also known) so I’ve still got something to learn.  And besides, just because it’s supposed to be difficult, and I don’t want to let myself get complacent, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to celebrate my achievements.  So I say again, “Woohoo!”

I admit to a small part of me wandering what will happen when I’ve learnt all the stuff on the DVD, but hey – that’ll be a nice problem to have and I’ll just cross that bridge when I come to it

EDIT: Further success…my blog is worthy of spam comments (thank you akismet for keeping them hidden)!  Oh yeah!