March 19
Intentions, visions and epiphanies
Intentions
For the first time since starting Shiva Nata, I had been able to think of an intention that I was emotionally invested in. I have struggled with this before, though I’m still not sure exactly why that is, so it was great to finally find myself with a question that I felt I could use Shiva Nata with. The intention was to understand what I got out of the hours I was spending online before going to bed. I’d realised that my constructive part of the day tended to end around dinner time and I would then spend hours online which often resulted in me feeling frustrated with myself, yet I had a real sense of getting something out of this time that I couldn’t quite identify.
Visions
During shavasana I had a little vision/thought about feeding the rabbits grain, rather than vegetables. I was annoyed at Glyn for not just ditching the grain and feeding a mix of veg instead. As my awareness came back to my thoughts I started to think “oops I’ve gone off on one” but for some reason, rather than let go that thought and come back to blankness, I was drawn to go back and look at the story that had played out. I noticed that there was a message to the story: that change, even when easy and with obvious benefits, can be resisted simply because of inertia. I thought about my intention: I am resisting the change to my sleep patterns. Now this statement was being touted by one part of my brain as obvious, it was simply a restatement of the question ‘Why don’t I want to go to bed?’ but I know that a rewording can bring powerful insight and understanding so I paid attention and realised that the key phrase was ‘I am resisting the change’. So I sat up, grabbed my large journaling pad and wrote “I notice that I am resisting the change to my sleep cycle.” What followed blew me away.
Epiphanies!
I had nine, count them – nine, epiphanies in the 3 A4 pages of writing that followed. It was one per paragraph at one point!
Going forward
This is what I’ve been looking for in my practice. A way to access understanding around an area. It’s taken me a long time to be able to get the different pieces in place:
- a real intention that I’m focussed on with emotion
- a strong practice that challenges me (I did Levels 3, 4 and half of 5)
- an understanding of when I’ve reached the point to stop (brain fog just starting to really kick in – before I’ve pushed through this and totally flatlined my brain for no extra benefits)
- being able to listen to my thoughts in meditation afterwards
- following my intuition within the meditation practice, not just going for silence but hearing the message
- knowing when to follow that message into my journaling
- feeling comfortable in how to journal and record the thoughts that come to me in a safe way, knowing which routes are dead ends and which are the path to follow
I feel like I’ve reached the next level up after plateauing for so long. I was truly skeptical I could go any further – I’m so grateful that I’ve gave it one more try!
[...] morning (yup, it was 4.30 am again) that changed. I’ll write more about how and why over there, but for now I’m just totally thrilled to feel like I’ve found the way forward in a [...]
Yay! That rocks, James.
Great distinctions too that anyone could use in their practice.
Congrats on persisting to listen to your intuition.
Duff’s last blog post..Transformation by Donation
Thanks Duff. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
I wish I could say I understood, but I can’t say that. I look forward to getting to a point where I do. It’s all very interesting though!
Terry Heath’s last blog post..Lifehacks à la Gilbert and Sullivan – Make a Plan
Hooray! I’m a bit late with the congratulations, but they’re still in place, methinks. I’m so glad you’ve passed a major plateau!
And I love your expression “brain fog” – it’s so descriptive of the state. Good to know that’s where to cool down and go to meditation.
Hooray!
Sari O.’s last blog post..The culture of busy
As I’m only just starting with Shiva Nata, there’s not much for me to contribute as far as experience. I haven’t yet tried setting a specific intention other than to be open to what comes forward. However, I am noticing some awarenesses coming to consciousness. I am trying *not* to “pull” at them, as I think they’ll come more fully if I let them grow. It’s good to read about what’s coming up for you and of the value of journaling! I haven’t added that to the mix yet. (Shiva Nata, Rolfing, occasional cranial-sacral, 2 kids, 2 cats, a husband and a job. Awareness and time for writing tend to get a little shortchanged).
Anna-Liza’s last blog post..Pollyanna and the Blizzard of ‘09, Havi, Shiva, and Twitter
@Terry – If you’ve anything in particular that’s not clear or you want to ask, please do – either here or by email.
@Sari – It’s taken a while to learn what works for me, which is so frustrating, but at least I can see a clear progress now in how it’s developing for me.
@Anna-Liza – I haven’t used intentions until this one time, really. Nothing spoke to me so I just had a general approach of openness to learning from what comes up. It’s worked fine for me, so I’m sure you’ll be ok! I certainly started to hear the little voice in my head that tells me off so much more when I first started, so I can relate to your sense of growing awareness.
Not pulling sounds like a good strategy too, curiosity and acceptance seem like a good place to come at it from.
As for journaling, even just a little may make all the difference, though life will get in the way. Mindfulness in general however is a great tool that you can use all the time, and can only help with the learning process.
[...] I’ve started to use it with an intention to look for more information [...]