October 22
Knowing when to stop
On the scale of epiphanies it hardly warrants 3 strangers turning up with gifts but for us Shivanauts that’s not the point. What is the point is that we have learnt something about ourselves.
I noticed tonight that when I start to work on something and I start to see that I’m being challenged and get into the flow, then I get the urge to push, and push, and push, in order to stay in the flow for as long as possible.
In fact, my tendancy to stay up late until something is finished (like, oh, say, I don’t know, this blog?) comes from this same place. But I’ve known for a long time that it doesn’t always result in my best work (I’ve caught several spelling and grammar mistakes in my early posts already – find any that I missed?) as well as leaving me feeling tired, run down, burnt out and even resentful towards the very thing that was causing my state of flow in the first place!
But this evening I caught myself at it whilst doing some journaling. Even more importantly, I was able to stop. I’ve previously watched the small hours creep past before somehow unable to stop myself from pushing forwards even though there’s a small voice at the back of my head crying out for me to go to bed.
My current theory is that a fear of not finding this state again usually keeps me pushing through, long after I’m able to produce high quality work, much like the image of flogging a dead donkey.
As an aside, this wasn’t like the other ways I have caught myself having a breakthrough from Shiva Nata, but I’m starting to see that they come in a number of ways. (Yes, a post on this is in the pipeline).
And with my new power of knowing when to stop, watch me put it into practice.
G’night!
Oh James, I’m so happy for you on working through your stuff like this. And it gives me hope for my practice.
I’ve been writing a journal and there are likely some things in there that are learning-type moments but somehow the ‘a-ha’ moments from them are eluding me.
Reading your posts makes me feel hopeful though so thanks!
@Lynn: Do keep journaling. My first few are all: “Did L1 arms today.” Later on I didn’t even realise that some stuff was from Shiva Nata. Only after spotting the patterns of new thoughts did any ‘a-ha’ moments kick in! Will have to post on what mine appear like – plus it would be totally interesting to see how other people experience it.