For the first time since starting Shiva Nata, I had been able to think of an intention that I was emotionally invested in.  I have struggled with this before, though I’m still not sure exactly why that is, so it was great to finally find myself with a question that I felt I could use Shiva Nata with.  The intention was to understand what I got out of the hours I was spending online before going to bed.  I’d realised that my constructive part of the day tended to end around dinner time and I would then spend hours online which often resulted in me feeling frustrated with myself, yet I had a real sense of getting something out of this time that I couldn’t quite identify.

Visions

During shavasana I had a little vision/thought about feeding the rabbits grain, rather than vegetables.  I was annoyed at Glyn for not just ditching the grain and feeding a mix of veg instead.  As my awareness came back to my thoughts I started to think “oops I’ve gone off on one” but for some reason, rather than let go that thought and come back to blankness, I was drawn to go back and look at the story that had played out.  I noticed that there was a message to the story: that change, even when easy and with obvious benefits, can be resisted simply because of inertia.  I thought about my intention: I am resisting the change to my sleep patterns.  Now this statement was being touted by one part of my brain as obvious, it was simply a restatement of the question ‘Why don’t I want to go to bed?’ but I know that a rewording can bring powerful insight and understanding so I paid attention and realised that the key phrase was ‘I am resisting the change’.  So I sat up, grabbed my large journaling pad and wrote “I notice that I am resisting the change to my sleep cycle.”  What followed blew me away.

Epiphanies!

I had nine, count them – nine, epiphanies in the 3 A4 pages of writing that followed.  It was one per paragraph at one point!

Going forward

This is what I’ve been looking for in my practice.  A way to access understanding around an area.  It’s taken me a long time to be able to get the different pieces in place:

• a real intention that I’m focussed on with emotion
• a strong practice that challenges me (I did Levels 3, 4 and half of 5)
• an understanding of when I’ve reached the point to stop (brain fog just starting to really kick in – before I’ve pushed through this and totally flatlined my brain for no extra benefits)
• being able to listen to my thoughts in meditation afterwards
• following my intuition within the meditation practice, not just going for silence but hearing the message
• knowing when to follow that message into my journaling
• feeling comfortable in how to journal and record the thoughts that come to me in a safe way, knowing which routes are dead ends and which are the path to follow

I feel like I’ve reached the next level up after plateauing for so long.  I was truly skeptical I could go any further – I’m so grateful that I’ve gave it one more try!

I’m starting to see the path that Havi describes where you go from:

1. I’ve no idea what the heck is happening here; to
2. Oh, that seems kind familiar, I can kinda see some little structures here and there; to
3. Ahh, I think I’ve maybe got it – it’s either this, or this, or this, but yeah I can see patterns; to
4. Ah-ha!  I’ve got it.  La la la la la, this is so easy! (Well, ok, maybe not easy, but…hey, stop raining on my parade!)

I’m now on step 2.  Of Level 3.  Arms only.  *sigh*

Still, it’s about being in the process, so it’s ok that I want to get through it faster, so long as I keep going even though I’m going slo-o-o-o-o-o-owly!  (And yes, I’m aware that others may think I’m racing through, but to me it feels slow – cause that’s my stuff and I’m working through it!)

There is one thought at the back of mind, it’s a hope.  It’s hoping that before I get to Level 7 and feel like I have got to grips with that, I will have worked through my desire to ‘master’ the Dance of Shiva.  That I will have dissolved that pattern and be able to therefore continue my learning with the dance without getting despondent about not reaching the mythical Level 8.  Cause right now, you just know what I’m aiming for, right?

I watched it again today (October 12) and this time I could see what each of the arms and legs were doing if I watched it carefully.  Not so scary now.  Now I’m just determined that one day I’ll be able to do it that fast too!

Lessons learnt

Don’t worry that the experts can do it better than you.  That’s why they’re experts!

If you want to compare – compare with yourself from when you started.  Now that’s uplifting.

I made a note about the fact that my feet were cold when relaxing after practice – my favourite part.  I lie flat on the floor and completely relaxed (Yoga peeps will know this as Shavasana or corpse pose).  If you’ve ever seen a Bunny Flop you know what I mean.

Writing the note let an idea through…

My clever thought was this: wear some socks!  It sounds silly and obvious, but it was something I would never have considered if I hadn’t given my thought about my cold feet some attention (one of the reasons to keep a journal).  If you’re anything like me you won’t go and get a pair of socks now and put them where you practice/with your notebook/on the floor somewhere – but you might remember this post next time you realise your feet are freezing!

Which then led to me having a lovely warm feeling!

The next day as I lay down I suddenly remembered about the socks and got to have lovely warm feet – now that’s a result!

Writing things down does more than get ideas that are running lose in your head out and onto paper.  It gives them a tiny amount of undivided attention.  If you read productivity blogs you’ll know about the idea of focussing on one idea at a time, and even on a small level this seems to work wonders.  My theory is that they are looking for your attention and having got your focussed attention for just a few seconds your thoughts are happy to get to work generating ideas for you!

Do you have any little success stories from your journaling – or any other part of your practice – you can share?  I’d love to hear of anything that your proud of so we can celebrate your success!

So far, I’ve read through Havi’s Starter Kit stuff info watched the Theory section for Level 1 (yeah!  I’m a geek, I love theory!) and played around with the arm sequences for Level 1.  I’ve done a total of 4 Shiva Nata practice play sessions and BANG! it’s epiphany time.

Seriously – it’s that quick – jeepers!

The way it went

We had a big roast dinner (yum!) and so I had a kip afterwards and then in the evening (uh-oh!) did some more playing around.

First off – it totally helps me to get clearer on what is running around in my head at the time.  So it turns my foggy brain (which leads to low moods and self-esteem) into understanding as to what is behind the fog.  This in itself is life-changing for me.  Whenever I’m having foggy head you can guarantee that I’ll find myself a space to start going through the latest sequence.

Then I went to bed.  Thing is, my brain was now totally engaged and I ended up spending 3 hours writing notes that kept cropping up as I started to drop off.  Somewhat frustrating (very frustrating for Glyn who was trying to sleep with me clicking on and off a little light to write by) but ultimately worth the reduced amount of sleep (both of ours).  I could probably have let myself drift off at this point, but I was so taken aback by the quality and quantity that I didn’t dare stop in case I lost them.

Lessons learnt

1. When writing about what I’m thinking, be specific!  All I wrote in my journal was “got clearer understanding on what was bugging me” – but not what it was that was actually bothering me!  Oh dear, now I’ll have to have that lesson again another time.
2. Shiva Nata in the evening may see the results kick in as I’m ready for bed (the whole brain buzz as I drop off combining with Shiva Nata to be a pretty powerful force)!  Could be useful if I don’t need to worry about getting up the next day.
3. [Later experience tells me that] I can always get fresh insights at a more appropriate time – Shiva Nata keeps delivering.  So I don’t need to worry about capturing everything!

Have you had your first epiphany?  What was it like?  Did it catch you off guard?  Scare you?  Amaze you?  Leave you underwhelmed or disappointed?  Please share your story below.